I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
