Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
