According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
