Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
