i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't deserve a penis
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
