Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
