Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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