Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
