Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
