how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
