Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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