The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
