I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
