Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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