I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
