Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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