i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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