She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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