If that was your dad, he is hot
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
