yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
