Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
