i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
