I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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