Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
