In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
