I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
