She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
