I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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