this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
