I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.