he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
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let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.