She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone