I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.