Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?