Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
