I think I died a long time ago.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
