oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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