Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
