Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
