i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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