Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
