I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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