you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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