Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize