I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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