we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
