We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
