Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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