She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
