I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
