I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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