Don't make out with my wife yet
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
