Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
