i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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