I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize