I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
