My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
