i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
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I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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