I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
