Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
