you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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