get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
