I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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