I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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