cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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