My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
