Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
