Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
