I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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