Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
