totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
