he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
