We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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