Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
