Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
