You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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