it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
