Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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