I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
