We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
