I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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