I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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